No More Resolutions - Just Promises to Myself

It's early morning on New Year's Eve.  2019 is wound up like a Jack-In-The-Box, ready to spring itself on us just past tonight's moonrise and one glass of champagne too many.

But for now, while the new year may be peeking through the slit in the curtains and tapping its toe in impatience, it's still 2018.  I'm old school enough to buy into the 'new year, fresh start' thing but I hate hackneyed resolutions.  I've made some simple promises to myself and will be sharing my progress from time to time on how they are coming along (I think #4 will be the hardest!).  

Ready for my 2019 non-resolutions?  Here we go!

I promise myself to:

1)  Be aware of and present in every lovely moment of each day.  I will honor each season for its merits and not wish away any time.

2)  Gift myself at least two hours a day to write.  From this writing time, I will submit a blog entry every day at 5:00am with a link from my Facebook page (if I can figure out how to do that on Blogger).  

3)  Work in some form of physical activity every other day.  No excuses.  No whining.  No wimping out.

4)  Take a wine sabbatical from 1 January - 31 March.  A healthy liver is a happy person!

5)  Continue the gift of health by eliminating sugar from my diet.  I will get back to healthy eating through Keto.  My goal is health, not becoming a size 2 and weighing 110 lbs.

6)  Faithfully contribute every day to the Penny Challenge.  My reward on December 31st of 2019 is to use the money I saved for a totally paid for cruise in February 2020! 

7)  Nurture my family relationships and my friendships.

8)  Volunteer more.

9)  Set and keep boundaries that will enable me to keep the promises I made above.

Easy-peasy stuff, right????? 

Bring it on, 2019.  Bring it on.

Seismic Shifts

I reached a certain milestone age in September and must admit that upon reflection, I have never given myself permission nor felt more free to ‘do me’ – is that still a thing? - as I have this year. 

2018 was a year of exponential personal growth and with that came seismic shifts in not only my attitude but my approach to life.

Like phases of the moon, this was a year of waning and waxing relationships.  Every breathing body has a story, a tale of that one event which negatively impacted their life.  Some experienced it in the moment it happened; their thought processes afforded them a magical ‘Poof!  I get it.  It’s over’ moment.  Some poked at their slights and hurts and grudges as they would a bad tooth: constantly and knowingly prodding that sore spot for far too long simply to relive the ‘it’ practically every moment of every day.  While at one point I was the one that poked my hurts, I’ve moved on.  I’m sorry to say there are those who refuse to see me for who I am now; they can’t accept that I’ve moved on from my ‘stuff,’ that I’m not the same person I was when we first met, that I’ve grown and am truly a happy person.  While it hurt, I had to draw a boundary and let a relationship fade as their negative energy was draining me of joy in my own life.  So while one almost-friendship waned, another one was growing.  My own experience had made me untrusting of others and while from a distance I appreciated the notion of sisterhood, this was the year I trusted myself and ‘leaned in.’ For the first time I connected with the beautiful soul who has become not only my dearest friend but truly a sister-from-another-mother. 

This was the year I quit dreaming/wishing/hoping and took action to achieve a goal of the utmost importance to me.  Just reading those words doesn’t sound like much but it was a H.U.G.E. step.   I risked rejection for something I dearly wanted and although frightened at the thought of failure, I took the risk and was rewarded for my efforts.  This was the year I became emboldened.  Isn’t that a great word?  That one brave action emboldened me to pursue whatever I want.

This was a year of extreme generosity from friends and family in so many forms.  It’s been one of the few times I simply don’t have the words for my heartfelt thanks and appreciation and love.  I am humbled.

This was the year I fell in love.  While it was short lived and definitely one sided the experience of loving another soul simply for who they were shook the very foundation of my existence in the best way possible.  I had forgotten the depths of a woman’s heart.  I had forgotten its ability to so freely give regardless of reward or outcome. I had forgotten the joy of loving in the moment but in that beautifully shiny, all-too-short of a timeframe, the tidal wave of ancient memory washed through me in rivers of emotion.  The garden of my heart now lies fallow but not barren; it is simply resting, waiting for its Spring to come back to life and grow again.   

This was the year I gifted myself time to thoroughly think through my dreams and plans and then, brick by brick, lay a firm foundation upon which I will build my future. 

2019 will have aftershocks.  That’s pretty much a given as nothing is ever really static in life.  However, with the strong foundation of my growth mortared in with the love of my family and friends, I will weather all the storms of this new year.

With heartfelt love and joy,

Catherine

 

This Soft Day – The Morning Show

A soft breeze wafts across the back deck on this the fourth day before Christmas; it carries on its back a warmth reminiscent of late Spring, maybe early April.   Morning visits today with a washed out Carolina blue sky; dingy clouds hang haphazardly and the sun provides melted butter light.  The twenty five year old sesanqua tree droops just a bit from all the heavy old lady dusty pink buds wrapped in florist tape green leaves.  The faded lavender flowers on the fragrant rosemary bush dip their heads in hello to the gift of this great day. The birds in the bushes and the trees greet their neighbors as they go about the business of getting their breakfast.  The left behind Autumn leaves talk to each other in hushed voices, some from the trees and some from the ground, their voices blending, rising, falling, sussing like the sunrise tide of  a mid-summer’s day.  The sheer white curtain breathes in and out, in and out, as the tepid December breeze slips over the winter-dusty window sill of the open bedroom window.   The day waltzes in joy.

FUNNY THINGS.......

Got my funny bone tickled today….Someone put a big Frosty the Snowman plastic figure right smack dab in the middle of a little plot of land off to the side of a busy intersection where the peddlers sell their junk on the weekends. Frosty had this goofy grin on his face and seeing him, as I rounded the corner to approach the intersection, made me laugh out loud.

I’m grateful today for funny, random things.

BEAUTIFUL THINGS

12/19/13:

I was down in the dumps this morning, fretting about not being able to buy anyone any Christmas presents and stressing over how I was going to make my last $3.48 (my bank balance and the sum total of all the money I have in the world) last until payday – the day after Christmas. My stomach was knotting up in fear over how I was going to pay my bills which are due before Christmas. I was dreading going to work because that used gas that I couldn’t afford to refill before payday but not going to work meant not getting a payday so I could buy more gas……it’s been a vicious cycle here lately.

Anyway, I got myself showered and dressed, did my hair, brushed my teeth and I was ready to leave for work. I opened the back door and it happened – a beautiful thing. A thing that put all my earthly angst in perspective. A thing that made me smile. A thing that brought light back into a dark time.

An adult male cardinal flew from my right to my left, its brilliant scarlet plumage glowing in the clear morning sunlight. My breath caught in my throat. In the milliseconds the cardinal was right in front of me, and I mean not even a foot away from my eyes, I saw beauty and grace. I saw freedom and happiness. I saw God in a glimpse of red.