2018 was a year of
exponential personal growth and with that came seismic shifts in not only
my attitude but my approach to life.
Like phases of the
moon, this was a year of waning and waxing relationships. Every breathing body has a story, a tale of that
one event which negatively impacted their life.
Some experienced it in the moment it happened; their thought processes
afforded them a magical ‘Poof! I get
it. It’s over’ moment. Some poked at their slights and hurts and
grudges as they would a bad tooth: constantly and knowingly prodding that sore spot
for far too long simply to relive the ‘it’ practically every moment of every
day. While at one point I was the one
that poked my hurts, I’ve moved on. I’m
sorry to say there are those who refuse to see me for who I am now; they can’t
accept that I’ve moved on from my ‘stuff,’ that I’m not the same person I was
when we first met, that I’ve grown and am truly a happy person. While it hurt, I had to draw a boundary and let
a relationship fade as their negative energy was draining me of joy in my own
life. So while one almost-friendship
waned, another one was growing. My own
experience had made me untrusting of others and while from a distance I
appreciated the notion of sisterhood, this was the year I trusted myself and ‘leaned in.’ For the
first time I connected with the beautiful soul who has become not only my
dearest friend but truly a sister-from-another-mother.
This was the year I
quit dreaming/wishing/hoping and took action to achieve a goal of the
utmost importance to me. Just reading
those words doesn’t sound like much but it was a H.U.G.E. step. I risked rejection for something I dearly
wanted and although frightened at the thought of failure, I took the risk and
was rewarded for my efforts. This was
the year I became emboldened. Isn’t that
a great word? That one brave action
emboldened me to pursue whatever I want.
This was a year of extreme
generosity from friends and family in so many forms. It’s been one of the few times I simply don’t
have the words for my heartfelt thanks and appreciation and love. I am humbled.
This was the year I
fell in love. While it was short
lived and definitely one sided the experience of loving another soul simply for
who they were shook the very foundation of my existence in the best way
possible. I had forgotten the depths of
a woman’s heart. I had forgotten its ability
to so freely give regardless of reward or outcome. I had forgotten the joy of
loving in the moment but in that beautifully shiny, all-too-short of a
timeframe, the tidal wave of ancient memory washed through me in rivers of
emotion. The garden of my heart now lies
fallow but not barren; it is simply resting, waiting for its Spring to come
back to life and grow again.
This was the year I
gifted myself time to thoroughly think through my dreams and plans and then,
brick by brick, lay a firm foundation upon which I will build my future.
2019 will have aftershocks.
That’s pretty much a given as nothing is ever really static in life.
However, with the strong foundation of my growth mortared in with the
love of my family and friends, I will weather all the storms of this new year.
With heartfelt love and joy,
Catherine
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